1:11 AM

Nominate Will Smith for an Oscar

just got back from a family viewing of the pursuit of happyness, and lemme tell you right now, you need to go see it. go see it, take 25 friends with you. see it with your mom, your dad, your cousin moe, your sister leslie, your room mate curly. we'll see in the longhaul, but i think it has really changed my understanding of three major things: hard work and determination, family, and material possessions. add in there the importance of the church being charitable - it hasn't changed my understanding of that so much as intensified it soooooooooo much. and it's making me ask questions about whether capitalism has good consequences without the church's heavy involvement in loving people in practical ways.

i am exhausted, but i need to wrap my sister's gift before i go to sleep.

merry christmas!

10:43 PM

Hello World

i know i have been AWOL. sorry i didn't ask for leave before leaving. things just got absolutely insane the last week or so of school: i pulled 3 more all-nighters; i wrote gobs and gobs of pages; i studied for exams; i even threw a little dinner party. then i drove home, and guess what: my car was leaking oil. it should be ready to be picked up tomorrow. anyway, then i came home, slept a bit, and then i started back at barnes and noble for the holiday season. it has been SO fun - they've put me back in the kids' section pretty exclusively, and i love it. my favorite is when people come to ask about gifty books for kids they know pretty well. it's a blast. i can get so excited about these books, because they are good, and i love people. i love working with people, i love helping them find good things to read or give, and i love to spread the love of reading.

i know i know - i'm a total dork. so sue me.

and the last bit of my excuse for not writing is that the internet connection at my parents' house is awful most of the time. i've even been a slacker at checking email.

i did want to talk about covenant theological seminary - i know some of you were curious about what i thought. granted, i'm late enough in posting (and irregular at this point) that no one may read what i think. but at least i'm putting it out there.

i liked covenant. the people were really sweet and made me feel at home. i sat in on chapel and two classes. hans bayer, whose intro to the bible i sat in on, was sooooooooo fascinating. it was great. and i think my favorite part of the school is the focus on relationships and relational learning. the big talk of the campus was a group project that was being done for the class on the book of job - the teachers commit to fostering discussion and relationships with and between students, because the church is in many ways the antithesis of "every man is an island" and God didn't design us to be hermits. the community life is strong, particularly since there is an actual campus with a lovely library, a student center fully rigged for studyage, and on campus family housing, which brings keeps alot of the married people around. i love the fact that you can look out the window and see parents and kids playing on the campus playground.

that said, i just can't tell whether i like covenant or just seminary. i'm hoping to visit wts-dallas and rts-charlotte before march, so that should help. it should also be quite telling - i think it's more than probable that i will wind up at covenant, but i want to be totally open to what God wants to do. whatever He is up to i want to be a part of.

11:47 PM

So Recently...

...blogger hasn't been letting me post. not sure what that is about.

anyway, i just finished my final paper for jane austen. i'm about to start a paper on plath, and then i have a paper for wilde. then there are the two exams.

meanwhile, i must confess that i'm not really ready for my second semester senior year. it's just odd to be here. it's just bizarre. not that i don't feel old enough, but still i feel like i'm...not ready. maybe mostly because i'm not ready to leave my friends.

one week from now and i will be home. :)

1:05 AM


... the owie on my left knee (i have one on each - thanks, volleyball) is named hamilton. so says super-roomie emily.

we lost in the second round of the playoffs today - the girls, that is. (the corec team lost two weeks ago when i was in st. louis.) and i dove for a ball and now there's nasty oozy stuff all over my knees.

my car doesn't work. did i tell you this? it blows fuses whenever i start it, and the dudes at the dealership are wracking their brains trying to figure out what in tarnation to do. don't you love that?

12:07 AM

I'm Still Alive

things have been extremely nuts, though...

i have done alot of cool things since i wrote last. i went to visit covenant seminary. i bought a ton of christmas presents. i hung out with my fam and went to my sister's tournament. my car stopped starting, and now i have the pleasure of replacing a fuse every time i start the car. i'm taking it to get fixed on monday.

oh, and i've read a heap of novels.

you might luck out and i might tell you more about some of this, but at the moment i have a horrid headache and need to sleep before church in the morning.

consider this my shoutout to my homies.

2:37 AM

O Christ, Our King, Creator, Lord

o Christ, our King, Creator, Lord
Savior of all who trust Thy Word
to them who seek Thee ever near
now to our praises bend Thine ear

in Thy dear cross a grace is found
it flows from every streaming wound
Whose power our inbred sin controls
it breaks the bond and frees our souls

Thou didst create the stars of night
yet Thou hast veiled in flesh Thy light
hast deigned a mortal form to wear
a mortal's painful lot to bear

when Thou didst hang upon the tree
the quaking earth acknowleged Thee
when Thou didst there yield up Thy breath
the world grew dark as shades of death

now in the Father's glory high
Great Conqueror never more to die
us by Thy mighty power defend
and reign through ages without end

12:06 AM

Warning: This Is Kinda Gross

so last night, i was innocently sitting on my couch reading persuasion for my jane austen class, when something flew straight into my ear. i didn't even know the thing was in my apartment, and all of the sudden it was in ME. and it wouldn't come out. i shook my head and i tugged on my ear and i tried to convince it to come out, but it surely didn't. it just crawled further in. it had tickled at first, but then it started to hurt. alot.

i called my parents, but they didn't have much advice. mom suggested trying to drown it by pouring water into my ear, so i did... nothing.

i called my roommate, who was at the time about an hour and a half away. her fiance (my cousin) suggested trying the vacuum-cleaner approach, but to be careful not to let it touch the skin on my head or it would suck out my brains. decided not to try that alone.

called my friend anne, who is very medically minded (and well-stocked on tips from her doctor father) to ask her advice. she said to hop in the shower and hold my head on one side, letting the water from the showerhead run in it constantly and try to flush it out. apparently that's the method doctors use in trying to extricate stuff from ears. so i stood there in the shower for what felt like forever. waiting. w.a.i.t.i.n.g. starting to wonder if i was going mad around minute 6. then all of the sudden, a bug appeared in the water at my feet.

in the aftermath, my poor ear feels like it's been beaten up. it is highly unpleasant for the ear to deal with such intrusion, particularly of the crawling, fluttering, winged sort. i hope never to repeat that experience. yelch.

how big was it? it was bigger than a big mosquito, but not much bigger.

who even knew this happened to people?

12:14 AM

Linguistic Thoughts

today's OED word of the day? "headcase"

meanwhile, in other linguistic news, here are some words and phrases i wish we used more often these days:
"various and sundry"
"poppycock and balderdash"
"exceedingly fascinating"

here are some words i hate:

12:54 AM

i've been awol

and i know it. but things got nuts after my splendid birthday party - or rather starting then - and i'm a busy girl. tomorrow is like a haven - my one class has been cancelled, and i'm not going to set my alarm and i'm going to take a dear friend formal dress shopping and i'm going to work on a paper and we have a volleyball game (of course).

thankfully, we did better at today's game. much better, in fact. we almost won! it was kinda trippy.

i have five papers to write before the end of the term, and a trip to st louis and thanksgiving in between now and then. it's kinda intense.

things are looking not only up, but downright ducky.

12:57 AM

Yeppers, Ladies and Gentlemen!

I am now officially 22... well, in 4 minutes. Assuming it's determined by the time zone you were born in, that is.

1:48 AM


best birthday party EVER...thrown HERE...by my best friend...for me.

it was phenomenal.

i am exhausted.

12:17 AM

A Few Facts and a Few Funny Bumper Stickers

~ our co-rec team lost again tonight. my mantra is coming back to haunt me - the point of volleyball is to learn to laugh at yourself.
~ my paper is in.
~ it is drop-dead gorgeous out these days, which is surprising since it's NOVEMBER and still in the 70s. in orlando i'd expect this; in north carolina, i'm more than a little bit like "whoa."
~ to me, october 31 will always mean reformation day.
~ if i am ever invited to an actual "halloween party," i want to go as the 95 theses.
~ i need to finish my app. for covenant ASAP.

be alert. the world needs more lerts.
i didn't climb to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian!
i'm still a hot babe, but now it comes in flashes.
of all the things i've lost, i miss my mind the most
rehab is for quitters.
does the name pavlov ring a bell?
i'm not tense, i'm just terribly, terribly alert.
so you're a feminist. isn't that cute?
without ME, it's just AWESO
EARTH FIRST! we'll stripmine the other planets later.

haha, tricked you! there actually is real substance in this post!
we sang this hymn for the first time last night at RUF. the only question about it i have is why it's set at night...
beautiful, scandalous night
go on up to the mountain of mercy
to the crimson perpetual tide
kneel down by the shore, be thirsty no more
go under a be purified

follow Christ to the holy mountain
sinner sorry and wrecked by the fall
be cleansed heart and soul, from the fountain that flows
redeemed us from sin once for all

at that wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree
on that beautiful, scandalous night, you and me
were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
on that beautiful, scandalous night

on the hillside you will be delivered
at the foot of the cross justified
and your spirit restored by the river that pours
from our blessed Savior's side

at that wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree
on that beautiful, scandalous night, you and me
were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
on that beautiful scandalous night

11:31 PM

Fall Conference Rocked

and i'm back :)

this week is bound to be a bit nuts. i'm having an insanely hard time with another 20th cent. am. poetry paper... need to do this NOW. it's due tuesday and it begs for the editing eye of daddy-man. but i am having a very bad time writing it. :-( concentration level is pretty much nil.

12:20 AM

We Won

we won, we won we won we won

we won we won we won
we won we won we won

we won we won we won we won
and we did it in less than 30 minutes

i hope you don't think i'm bragging
but lest you think so, i say unto thee

that i did not play
but like 5 minutes
so maybe i shouldn't be surprised!


off to fall conference

yo ho ho and a bottle of flavored water

12:59 AM

CoRec RUF Volleyball Team Scores Its First Loss

depressing, eh?

and we had a shot at winning, but then i pulled my hamstring enough to slow me down, and that certainly didn't help. i think we have the potential for victory, though. :)


in other news, my russian masterworks in translation (fondly referred to as RMWT by...well, no one) professor just keeps getting sketchier and sketchier with his in class comments. trust me, i am NEVER going to office hours. heebeegeeeeeeeeeebees.

today he made a HIGHLY suggestive comment and then said, "i would go on, but i don't think i will." when provoked to elaborate, taking suggestive to a whole new level of disgusting, by one of the guys in my class, he said, "no, even i have my limits of how low i will go." and to think that there is an 82 year old retired french professor - who happens to be a very sweet old lady - having to put up with all of this! you'd think he had more decency!


also wanted to note that i'm reading Acts right now, and it's flippin' sweet, to quote napoleon dynamite. hopefully soon i'll post on some of that. :)

10:29 PM

Flu Season Came Early

i'm sick. have been since saturday night. be glad i'm sparing you details.

the best way to keep food down seems to be reclining or lying down and not moving my stomach. i got to go get my car yesterday (YES - she's finally finished!), but obviously that didn't jive well with not moving my stomach. hopefully this blasted thing is on its way out the door.

anyway, so i haven't been doing much, seeing as i haven't been able to. pretty much reading, sleeping, and watching law and order sums it up.


9:01 PM


i'm on the mailing list for the OED (Oxford English Dictionary), and they send me a word of the day every day. these words are frighteningly banal. "deejay" and "bar-hopping" are among the recent vocab lessons i've gotten.

and this is the standard english dictionary? who are we kidding, people???

1:00 AM

Y'all All Need To Look At This

and you probably each know a few people who you need to show it to. hint - they're probably women.

it won't take much of your time, but you've got to look at it - probably multiple times.

personally, i'm impressed with the people over at dove.

12:35 AM

Random, Excellent Film Quotes

"righteous...not so righteous..." - just like heaven

"in case of altitude change, put your head between your knees and kiss your bum goodbye." - chicken run

leia: "i love you"
han: "i know" - star wars: return of the jedi

"don't a-stomp your little last season Prada shoes at me, honey." - legally blonde

"i am going to rip you to pieces with my bare hands...or vicious rhetoric." - win a date with tad hamilton

dad: "hello, katarina. make anybody cry today?"
kat: "sadly, no. but it's only 4:30." - 10 things i hate about you

drew: "so what are you doing right now?"
claire: "i'm checking out this cute guy..."
drew: "why are you telling me that?" - elizabethtown, which is me in a movie - music, roadtripping, and sweet humor

"i'm sorry, the position of annoying talking animal has already been taken." - shrek 2

"y'know, 'those who can't do, teach?' well those who can't wed, plan." - the wedding planner

"fashion is what one wears oneself. what is unfashionable is what other people wear. other people are quite dreadful. the only possible society is onself." - an ideal husband

"i take a vitamin everyday. it's called a steak." - kicking & screaming (and darn right)

"how would you like to go through life with the name cooper banks-mackenzie? the kid's gonna sound like a law firm." - father of the bride II

"elizabeth...it never would have worked between us, darling. i'm sorry. will...nice hat." - pirates of the caribbean: curse of the black pearl

jack sparrow: "one question about your business, boy, or there's no use going. this girl...how far are you willing to go to save her?"
will turner: "i'd die for her."
jack sparrow: "oh, good. no worries then." - pirates of the caribbean: curse of the black pearl

"there'll be no living with her after this." - pirates of the caribbean curse of the black pearl

"look - undead monkey" - pirates of the caribbean: dead man's chest

"i'm a tv personality. my hair is my trademark. just like the 'i don't like to shower' look is your trademark." - life or something like it

"he was very vigorous, father." - mask of zorro

don diego de la vega: "do you know how to use that thing? [a sword]"
alejandro: "of course! the pointy end goes into the other man." - mask of zorro

"there's a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. twould be a pity to damage yours." - the princess bride

"i don't want to see you breaking anyone else out of jail. without my permission, of course." - the legend of zorro

"who died and made you danny?" - ocean's twelve

john smith: " i realize you witnessed the mrs. and i working through a few domestic issues. that's regrettable, but don't take that to be a sign of weakness, that would be a mistake on your part."
jane smith (drumming her fingers impatiently)
john smith: "honey!"
jane smith: "wrap it up."
john smith: "maybe it's not such a good idea to undermine me in front of the hostage - sends a mixed message."
jane smith: "sorry."
john smith: "girls... where was i?"
benjamin: "mistake on your part."
john smith: "shut up." - mr & mrs smith

hermione: "now, if you two don't mind, i'm going to bed before either of you come up with another clever idea to get us killed, or worse, expelled."
ron: "she needs to sort out her priorities." - harry potter and the sorcerer's stone

1:57 AM

Must Add This

this is hilarious. it helps to know the original song weird al is parodying is called "ridin' dirty" and is about avoiding detection by the police while moving drugs... anyway, i recommend it for a solid laugh.

12:57 AM

What If CSI Stood For...

...candles still illuminate?

that was just a random way to start this update.

so the chocolate chocolate chip cake was a hit, even though i didn't exactly do it as per the directions. i was short 2 oz. of sour cream, and i forgot the tablespoon of vanilla, but it was still really good. in the future i'll fix all that, use fewer chocolate chips (it was a wee bit overwhelming), and top it off with powdered sugar. i think that'll take it from good to great.

phantom is great. personally, though, i can't figure out why everyone is in love with the phantom and not raoul. helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo - raoul is freakin' awesome. bad boys are SO overrated, mostly because they're BAD. (not rocket science, but you'd be surprised - or maybe not - at how delusional girls can be about these things...)

i got to listen to paige brown's talk on the kingdom from the WIC conference in atlanta while i was prepping for tonight - it was even better this time than the last time i heard her give it (at summer conference a few years ago). that whole concept and the dichotomy of the church and the kingdom is what i want to unpack next fall at l'abri. i'm so excited it makes me slightly more spastic even than normal.

i love milk.

oh, guess what - i'm REALLY sore, but not nearly so bad as in high school. then, since we did frog hops (though coach had to go easy on me because of my back) and wall sits and all that stuff, i would hobble around really badly and have to put my hand down to brace myself before dropping into my chair - i actually couldn't physically sit down. it was pretty awful. i'm glad to say i'm not nearly so bad off at the moment.

i don't like the new blue raspberry jolly ranchers. they taste funny. and my tongue FEELS blue even though i can't see it sitting here, drinking my milk and watching CSI and blogging. i can just tell, you know?

i got my finger- and toenails done today. it was delicious. hopefully it will help me stop picking at my fingers and ripping up my fingernails. they look so pretty - i would hate to ruin them.

12:18 AM


it's that time of year, ladies and gentlemen - time for intramural volleyball. being the overachieving nutcase that i am, this year i am the captain of two (2) teams - one corec and one all girls. yummy, eh?

we had practice today and let me just say i am SORE and will probably not be able to sit down tomorrow. can you believe unathletic little me (ok, not so little) is engaging in athletic activity - voluntarily? why, you ask, are you breaking out of your mold? well, i am glad to say that when my soul was being created, and God didn't put in me the athleticism and such He would impart to my sister and brother, He decided to make volleyball an exception. i'm actually quite good, considering. and i actually like it. weird, huh?

in other news, tomorrow i am making a chocolate chocolate chip bundt cake and then watching "the phantom of the opera" with some friends. i'll let you know how it goes.

chicks dig scars and glory lives forever.

12:37 AM

I Hate Accounting, &tc.

i. hate. money. this could explain why i hate accounting and balancing the blooming checkbook and all that sort of rot. drives me nuts. too bad it's part of every day life, eh? too bad i'm stuck with it.

i got to go for fall break to my sister's school for her family weekend, like i said. it was really great. my whole family descended en mass on the campus. it was great to be with my parents and the bug and my kate. :) wouldn't trade it for all the tea in china.

the hotel beds were EXTREMELY comfortable. i'm pretty much in love. it was like a nice cushy european bed with down comforters and the whole bit. it was fantastic. it helped my back alot, though i did have a lot of trouble at the football game. stupid backless bleachers... at any rate, this whole weekend (including watching the lovely film gridiron gang - bet it's never been called "lovely" before), coupled with some other brief viewings of IM football lately and a great book for dummies like me, resulted in what i believe to be quite a miracle: i like football.

yeah, that was the sound of hell freezing over. (at this rate, i may actually love it by the superbowl!)

i am hungry and tired. i think i shall take a shower.

12:22 AM

Ma Familia

tomorrow is the day i leave for fall break. my parents, brother, and i are converging on my sister's school for family weekend. it'll be SOOOOOOO fantastic. :-D oh, and did i mention that i'm not taking any homework with me? JUST my application for covenant and my receipts (for some hardcore accounting). but you know how nice it is that homework is not a part of the picture? it's nuts. i'm tickled pink.

i have some utterly remarkable friends. they are incredible. they are amazing. i am like obsessed. they're good times, and i can't believe in a year we will be living all over the country. :-(

11:44 PM

Life Goes On

it's amazing how time never slows down. people have horrible things happen to them and the days just keep marching on. great things happen, too, and the world doesn't stop for one second to rejoice. the thing is, life comes at you at 60 seconds per minute all the time. and lately, as i've been dealing with those minutes being packed with hard things and watching my friends deal with similarly exhausting situations, i've come to realize that this is not only good practice for "real life" - like when the baby is up screaming at all hours of the night, or when your best friend's car dies at the mall and you have to go jump it - this IS real life. and Christ is with us always.

sandra's new cd has a fantastic song about time, distance, and lovers. i may not have a lover, but time and distance i kinda understand, and the song is beautiful. the best part is at the end, and i think it can accurately be applied to alot of things.

i have no claim on the future, so here i lay me down
and God is a friend to lovers, He makes the bone, the flesh, the ground
and He walks with us, make no mistake
He holds us when our hearts, they break...
this is not make believe

thank God that the sorrow and suffering of life, as well as its joys and ecstacies, are accompanied by a sovereign, loving, compassionate Heart with His people's best interests in mind. we are not abandoned or outside His grasp ever, no matter what happens and no matter how we feel about it.

ps the plethora of crummy things happening seems to have ended (?) or at least abated. the big trend-breaker? mom coming, of course. :)

12:29 AM

Parents' Weekend

my mom came for parents' weekend, and all i got was...
alot of fantastic food
some great shopping
a trip to an american art museum/estate
mom's opinion on and insight into all sorts of things (and she's, like, always right - just ask my dad)
a long nap in a super-comfy bed
someone to hang out with (not impress or entertain) non-stop for 2.5 days
lots of just silly, fun conversation
time with my friends' families (some of whom i'd never met before)

i know, i know - you all pity me immensely.

my mom is the best.

5:28 PM

New Question to Ask at Premarital Counselling

"if something traumatic happened to me, and i turned into a superhero, would you still love me and stay with me?"

a nice follow-up to that is "even if my ears disappeared and my skin turned into a rock-like substance?"

(i'm watching "fantastic four")

12:38 PM


what do you think of the green? did you like the old layout/back drop better?

12:40 AM

A Few Random Things

1) i am really excited about this website and the conference next may. i'm just keeping my fingers crossed that none of my friends decide to get married that weekend (hint hint) so i can go.
2) covenant seminary is now rivalling rts jackson for first place on the seminary list.
3) i hated moulin rouge. it was a really annoying mosaic of postmodernism, bohemian romanticism, and sin. oh, and bad music. i know, i know - i'm an awful english major/romantic.
4) x-men rocks.
5) this is a really fun way to spend time when you're trying to keep your brain from completely shutting down.
6) it is a really good thing that there is enough grace to float the worst sort of sinner, cause that would pretty much be me and my selfish self. i am really strongly coming to grips with how mean my heart can be.
7) there are a couple of machines i think someone ought to make. first, one to take out the trash. this one would probably have to be a robot, unfortunately... then, we need one to kill large spiders that take up residence in our doorway to the porch. and finally, i think we need a machine (or a computer program) that distills tolstoy's war and peace into a comprehensible, relatively interesting, reasonably lengthed house pet instead of the ridiculous, excruciatingly longwinded and meandering, monstrous beast it is now.

5:17 PM

Nail Polish

my new nail polish color is called: "a-rose at dawn...broke by noon"

now either somebody flunked marketing class or there is a mysteriously verbose demographic of nail polish buyers out there...

12:41 AM

Psalm 23

there's something supremely humbling, in my opinion, about nervously chanting psalm 23 over and over and over again as you drive the 1.7 miles between school and your house. it's humbling because, if you were me a couple of weeks ago, you were doing this to keep from a) hyperventilating and b) driving like a granny and being rear-ended. but the funny thing is, if you say something over and over again, it starts to hit you differently. the word "potluck" is a good example. personally, i think it sounds alot less like a meal-style and alot more like something to do with leprechauns...

anyway, psalm 23 (which i haven't been fond of if quite a while to be honest - it's so frequently quoted i've assumed that makes it trite, when in fact nothing can be less trite than the word of God - ever) has taken on a whole new weightiness, or rather, i understand more of the weightiness it has always borne.

i think that, despite the obvious timing issues, psalm 23 is an explication of romans 8:38-39. God is permanently with us, protecting and loving us, and that looks like...
...not lacking what we need (not necessarily for life even, but as piper says in don't waste your life, what we are given is what we need for faith)
...we hang out (spiritually) in restful, peaceful places
...our souls are restored (that obviously means they needed it!)
...we are led in "paths of righteousness for His Name's sake" - we are being sanctified -becoming holy like Christ - for the purpose not of people being amazed at us, but floored by the generosity, patience, and love of God
...we don't fear in the valley of the shadow of death (again, note that we still go there!) because we are accompanied by "our shield and defender, the ancient of days"
...we are comforted by His discipline
...(to be honest i'm not sure what the "prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies" is getting at - thoughts?)
...we are chosen and set apart (anointed)
...we are satisfied to overflowing
...we are tailed by twin bodyguards, goodness and mercy
...we will live with Jesus in His house forever


10:16 PM

Movie Adaptations

you know, it's funny how some things look so different in your mind's eye than they do on the screen. it is really weird. sometimes i think "wow, this is just like i pictured," but more often it seems i'm thinking "this is so much lamer than i expected."

12:37 AM

Just Now

just now i sneezed and in the process banged my forehead against my knee. you can see things are still going rather oddly for me.

i promise to write something substantial as soon as things at least somewhat settle down around here. the earliest? probably thursday evening.

psalm 130 (from the depths of woe) is one of my favorites at the moment. takes you through the emotions of a whole experience.

12:23 AM


it turns out that serious tooth-pain is excruciating. this is quite nasty and highly distracting. i cannot concentrate and i have a very hard time talking.

and no, in case you were wondering, the tooth-trouble has nothing to do with the car accident.

11:42 PM

One of These Days

hey. this is a song i've been listening to alot lately - like repetitively. it's not a sandra (shocking, i know) - it's by a new singer named jill paquette.

One of These Days

it's been so long, said it's been too long
can't remember when i've felt so known
You're so warm, shelter me from the storm
and the fears that are just so cold

they're telling me things get messy when you care
things are messy everywhere
don't i know it, don't i show it
every time i look away
cause what can i do what can i say
to help myself
or to help anybody else?

You meet me in my need
You bring new life to me
and you go beyond what i feel
Your life brought more than freedom
Your love brought time - just what i needed
to see i needed You

one of these days
it will be easier to
mean what i say
if i remember each and
every day
that this world is not my home
and i never walk alone
and before time began my days were known
by You

You meet me in my need
You bring new life to me
and You go beyond what i feel
Your life brought more than freedom
Your love brought time - just what i needed
to see i needed You

one of these days
it will be easier to
mean what i say
if i remember each and
every day
that this world is not my home
and i never walk alone
and before time began
my days were known
by You

11:47 PM

i am still alive

that's all for now. :)

8:00 PM


yes, indeedy, folks - it's time for another sandra lyric. this time, though, it's a more philosophical song inspired by CS Lewis' marvelous book Till We Have Faces, which i wrote a paper on. (it was actually the best paper i've written to date, so you know what that means - i've been a bum writer for the last year.)

anyway, if you don't know the book, you should go read it. i won't even try to help you understand any of it - i'm not going to facillitate you not reading it. you can make that horrid decision on your own. ;-)

ok, here's the song. if you haven't read the book, you probably won't have any idea what it's about. (if that occurs, see above.) ps, the tune to this song is magnificently appropriate.

You whisper in some other language
gospel songs and hidden things
and when i call You in the midnight
i cannot find a phone that rings
You show to one Your kindest favor
and make one go numb

so speak it plain or leave it out
cause i see it plain - love drawn with doubt
i'm made to serve my own device
till You speak it plain

You take my troubles like a river
You drain them slow down to the dregs
i pour myself down through the floorboards
and paint my image in the glass
in myth and reason we uncover
what effort could not win

so speak it plain or leave it out
cause i see it plain - love drawn with doubt
i'm made to serve my own device
until You come and set things right
i have no words and i have no face
till You speak it plain

i wanna know this love without a doubt
i wanna know this love will find me out
i wanna know that the wrong will be made right
i wanna know some peace tonight

and in the dark and holy places
i just come undone

so speak it plain or leave it out
cause i see it plain - love drawn with doubt
i'm made to serve my own device
until You come and set things right
i have no words
i have no face
until You come to speak it plain
i have no words and i have no face
till You speak it plain
would You speak it plain?

i wanna know love without a doubt
i wanna know love

11:42 PM

The Importance of Being Earnest

this is what i'm reading right now for my wilde directed reading. moral foibles aside, this guy is hysterical!
[Cecily and Algernon are discussing their engagement, which Cecily insists has been in place for nearly 3 months, though they just met today. Also to be noted is the fact that Cecily thinks that Algernon is Ernest, the scoundrel brother of her guardian. He's not.]

Algernon: Darling! And when was the engagedment actually settled?
Cecily: On the 14th of February last. Worn out by your entire ignorance of my existence, I determined to end the matter one way oor the other, and after a long struggle wiht myself I accepted you one evening in the garden. The next day I bought this little ring in your name. You see I always wear it, Ernest, and though it shows that you are sadly extravagant, still I have long ago forgiven you for that. Here in this drawer are all the little presents I have given you from time to time, neatly numbered and labelled. This is the pearl necklace you gave me on my birthday. And this is the box in which I keep all your letters. (Opens box and produces letters tied up with blue ribbon.)
Algernon: My letters! But my own sweet Cecily, I have never written you any letters.
Cecily: You need hardly remind me of that, Ernest. I remember it only too well. I grew tired of asking the postman every morning if he had a London letter for me. My health began to give way under the strain and anxiety. So I wrote your letters for you, and had them posted to me in the village by my maid. I wrote always three times a week and sometimes oftener.
and everyone wonders why i'm laughing so much...

1:13 AM

Of All the Dreadful Things To Say...

... i am glad i don't know anyone mean enough to say this:

"how often have i wished that i possessed as little personal Beauty as you do; that my figure were as inelegant; my face as unlovely; and my Appearance as unpleasing as yours! but ah! what little chance is there of so desirable an Event; i have had the Small-pox, and must therefore submit to my unhappy fate." ("Lesley Castle" by Jane Austen, juvenalia [sp?])

11:19 PM


i saw sandra this weekend in knoxville, as you know, so you must have seen this coming.

everyone MUST go buy her new album off her website. seriously. it's incredible.

ok, so here's the closest thing to a title track she's got on this one. keep in mind the image of an apple falling off a tree in the context of john 12:24 ("truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit"). also remember the whole encounter with God moses has in exodus 3 ("do not come any closer... take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground." - exodus 3:5).

take off your shoes
where it burns red fire
in the sacred place
with a new desire
the more that i speak, the less that i understand

you fall from the tree to the ground
and gravity love, it takes you down
till your heart comes free in who you're meant to be
just like gravity

step from the ledge
truth falls fast
standing in the shade
with the weak and the blessed
and the night of tears is breaking into a day of son

and you fall from the tree to the ground
and gravity love, it takes you down
till your heart comes free in who you're made to be
just like gravity

wake up, dead man
rise from your sleep
wake up and come to Me

and you fall from the tree to the ground
and gravity love, it takes you down
till your heart comes free in who you're made to be
just like gravity

light comes in
and now i see
when i hear my name
like You're washing me
i can walk on water if You hold out Your hand

and you fall from the tree to the ground
and gravity love, it takes you down
till your heart comes free in who you're made to be
just like gravity

10:05 PM

This Weekend

this weekend is the roadtrip to knoxvegas to hear sandra play and see a dear friend who is now knockin' 'em dead at UT. so that will be a fun slieu of events.

i love driving.

12:21 AM

Some Things

some things are cheapened when they are made widely, publicly accessible. that is why i haven't posted much substantive stuff lately - alot of such things have been happening, and i don't feel like talking about it here. so i thought that bore explanation.

i will say this: i am really really regretting my decision to take 700 hours of english. actually, that's not true: i just don't like this stupid poetry background reading. i think i will skip it.

the purpose of the law is believers having Christ for their righteousness - name this paraphrased passage!

6:01 PM

I Can't Get No

mashed potatoes. I can't get no mashed potatoes but I try and I try and I try and I try -
I can't get no mashed potatoes. No no no.

i have a cold.

and i have plenty of mashed potato access at le pit. don't panic.

2:42 AM

I Can't Help It

i absolutely love this song and i have a compulsive desire to put it up. so here we go... :)

for all the saints

for all the saints who from their labors rest,
who, Thee, by faith, before the world confessed,
Thy Name, o Jesus, be forever blessed;
allelujah, allelu

Thou wast their Rock, their Fortress, and their Might,
Thou, Lord, their Captain in the well-fought fight;
Thou in the darkness drear their one true Light;
allelujah, allelu

o may Thy soldiers, faithful, true, and bold
fight as the saints who nobly fought of old
and win with them the victors' crown of gold
allelujah, allelu

and when the strife is fierce, the warfare long,
steals on the ear the distant triumph song,
and hearts are brave again and arms are strong;
allelujah, allelu

the golden evening brightens in the west;
soon, soon to faithful warriors comes their rest;
sweet is the calm of paradise the blessed;
allelujah, allelu

but, lo! there breaks a yet more glorious day!
the saints triumphant rise in bright arrray;
the King of glory passes on His way -
allelujah, allelu

from earth's wide bounds, from ocean's farthest coast -
through gates of pearl streams in the countless host,
singing to Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,
"allelujah, allelujah"

11:55 PM


rootie is my homegirl

1:25 AM

I'm Tired and Lazy

so tonight i'm just posting the lyrics to a great andy peterson song. as a matter of fact, andy is selling the cd this song comes from (which is EXCELLENT) for really cheap. you can get 5 of them for $10. check it out on his website. beat that, itunes.

All Shall Be Well

we touched down on the sound at the top of the world
in the land of the midnight sun
where the frozen river melts away and breaks into a run
into the sea, into the mighty waves
that waited just to see it
from a long way off that river thawed and the tide ran out to meet it
"welcome home, unfrozen river, welcome home"

'cause all shall be well, all shall be well
break the chains of the gates of hell
still all manner of things will be well

see the quiet hearts of the children of the children of this land
they have stayed alive in the day-long night
by the fires that warm their hands
there is a wilderness inside them,
it is dark and thick and deep
and beside the fire at the heart of that wood
is a precious missing sheep
so go on in, hold your torch, and let it shine

'cause all shall be well, all shall be well
break the chains of the gates of hell,
still all manner of things will be well
all shall be well, all shall be well
the Word of God will never fail
and all manner of things will be well

there's a light in the darkness
there's an end to the night

i saw the sun go down on a frozen ocean as the man in the moon was rising
and he rode the night all full and bright
with his face at the far horizon
and the night can be so long, so long
you think you'll never get up again
but listen now, it's a mighty cloud of
witnesses around you - they say
"hold on, just hold on,
hold on to the end
and all shall be well"...

7:52 PM

No More, My God

no more, my God, i boast no more
of all the duties i have done;
i quit the hopes i held before
to trust the merit of Thy Son.

no more, my God,
no more, my God,
no more, my God,
i boast no more

now for the loss i bear His Name,
what was my gain i count my loss;
my former pride i call my shame,
and nail my glory to His cross.

no more, my God,
no more, my God,
no more, my God,
i boast no more

yes and i must, i will esteem
all things but loss for Jesus' sake;
may my soul be found in Him
and of His righteousness partake.
amen, amen.

the best obedience of my hands
dares not appear before Thy throne;
but faith can answer Thy demands
by pleading what my Lord has done.

no more, my God,
no more, my God,
no more, my God,
i boast no more
i just really like this song. favorite parts include: "my former pride i call my shame and nail my glory to His cross" and "yes and i must, i will esteem all things but loss for Jesus' sake; may my soul be found in Him..." (which, of course, is about losing your life to find it). i am so wowed right nowby the doctrine of our union with Christ.

11:56 PM

A New Hymn

i don't think i've blogged on this one before... forgive me if i have... (it's another sandra, ps)

Jesus, the Lord, My Savior Is

Jesus, the Lord, my Savior is,
my Shepherd and my God,
my Life, my Strength, my Joy, my Bliss,
and i His grace record

whate'er i need in Jesus dwells,
and there it dwells for me.
'tis Christ my earthen vessel fills
with treasures rich and free.

mercy and truth and righteousness
and peace most richly meet
in Jesus Christ, the King of grace,
in Whom i stand complete

as through the wilderness i roam,
His mercies i'll proclaim.
and when i safely reach my home,
i'll still adore His Name.

"worthy the Lamb" shall be my song,
for He for me was slain.
and with me, all the heav'nly throng
shall join and say "amen."

mercy and truth and righteousness
and peace most richly meet
in Jesus Christ, the King of grace,
in Whom i stand complete.

Jesus, the Lord, my Savior is,
my Shepherd and my God,
my Life, my Strength, my Joy, my Bliss,
and i His grace record.
i love all the intimacies this song talks about - all these different ways in which Jesus is ours and we are His. the song is so packed with them i feel like i have to listen to/sing it over and over to really let it sink in. my favorite part, though, is the chorus. i imagine it like a venn diagram - mercy, truth, righteousness, and peace (which is an unfathomable combination of perfection, ps) are all their own circles, but somehow the overlapping part is spilling over with gold and jewels... kinda typical pirate fare, if you will. in other words, it's not just that Christ has these characteristics, but that in Him they find their fullest, most glorious explication and display. i just think it's beautiful. it makes me think about the beauty of Christ.

i also am just crazy about the idea that Jesus is my Bliss. that is just so awe-inspiring. Almighty God is my deepest happiness. where in the world did that come from??? [in case you can't tell, i'm in full-on 'holy cow the gospel is earth-shattering!' mode right now...] it just is so exciting to me - i can't imagine anyone wanting to be my bliss, let alone die to make Himself so forever!

tomorrow i'll do a bit on "no more, my God" unless someone wants to chime in and tell me i did it already...:)

11:39 PM

RUF or BUST, Baby!

so ruf was tonight, and i finally feel like a real semester has started. i never feel like i'm home until i go to church; i never feel like i'm back at school until ruf starts. but start it has, and i finally feel like i'm in my niche. i'm finally home. finally at rest. i'm like "whoohoo, i'm ME."

i'm so odd.

12:09 AM

The Fact of the Matter Is...

...joel osteen freaks me out.

2:10 AM

Some Stuff I've Been Thinking About

so you may have noticed that i am suddenly all philosophical again. weird, isn't it? i have no explanation whatsoever. it's just happening. deal with it.

trusting God is alot harder than trusting, say, my friend ruth ann. today we were driving to go tubing, and she had the directions. i said, "i trust you implicitly, so tell me what to do and when. i have no idea where we are going." so ruth ann studied the directions, sang along with my cds (which of course i was doing like the whole time because it's who i am), and chatted it up with the chicks in the back seat. we drove and drove and drove. guess what - we went too far. guess what - turns out the directions were wrong, and we were supposed to be taking the highway south instead of north. turns out we were now more than an hour and fifteen away from where we were supposed to be. everyone else in the larger group we were going with (RUF - shocking, i know), was also lost, since the directions were wrong. and the funniest part was that the exit we were supposed to take was one exit south of the one we got onto in the first place. meanwhile we're gallavanting across northern north carolina, passing all sorts of increasingly smaller towns. whoohoo! [actually, we had loads of fun.]

now, there is a point to all of this, but you will have keep tracking with me. suppose ruth ann had written those directions (she didn't, ps). after about an hour or so, i would have started to wonder about her and those directions. i would wonder if she'd gotten them right, and probably ask her if she's sure she knows where we're supposed to be going. after all, it stands to reason that if a drive is supposed to take about 30-45 minutes, and after an hour you haven't gotten off the highway yet, you're going the wrong way. and though that reason is awfully handy to have around, it also is very easily something we use improperly - to evaluate God.

the act of trusting God demands more of me than trusting my copilot ruth ann, because it demands that i trust someone more than i trust myself. trusting God requires that i believe Him when He doesn't make sense to me. it requires that my assumptions become conformed to this guiding principle: God is always right.

the best example of this i can think of is scripture. (incidentally, this is where the trust-issue has been cropping up most frequently of late.) when i'm reading the gospels (which i am at the moment actually), and something Jesus says doesn't make sense to me, and i think about it and chew on it and try to pick it apart, and i can't, i find myself trying to shove it off. as if my puny little brain could compete with God Almighty, or catch a mistake He made. how ridiculously vain can i be?

you know that saying that comes up in movies and tv shows that goes something like "when i say jump, you say 'how high?'" i think that's where our hearts should be in relationship to God. not that we don't think, and not that we don't wrestle with tough stuff, but that we do both of those things operating from a baseline: God is always right. the kind of life that would inevitably lead to would be ridiculously wild and crazy, but also the safest place for us to be.

our trust should be just that - TRUST. trust comes in relationships - deep, intimate relationships. trust is about two things - love and reliability. we have a God Who epitomizes love and is always right. this kind of faith - which, ps, leads to obedience - is unlike faith we put in anyone or anything else. my directions failed me this afternoon - big time. everything else in life does the same eventually - except our God. because of that fact - that He Who He is, that He is always consistent in character - really trusting Him means all the tools we have at our disposal rest underneath Him, not over Him. there is no judging God.

11:50 PM

A Thought

so i'm reading "a house of pomegranates" (a collection of short stories), by oscar wilde. i came across this story in "the birthday of the infanta" which i think in large part expresses how we feel when facing the law. here's your background: a really rather hideous dwarf dances for the young princess of spain, and she tells him she loves him and gives him a beautiful rose. soon after, he wanders the palace looking for her, and finds a mirror. it takes him a while to figure it out, but this is the conclusion he reaches:
"so it was he who was misshapen and hunchbacked, foul to look at and grotesque. he himself was the monster, and it was at him that all the children had been laughing, and the little Princess who he had thought loved him - she, too, had been merely mocking at his ugliness, and making merry over his twisted limbs. why had they not left him in the forest, where there was no mirror to tell him how loathsome he was?"
the catch, of course, is that in this story, the Princess really does laugh at his expense. she is totally self-absorbed, and when the dwarf dies of a broken heart, she responds, "for the future let those who come to play with me have no hearts."
so often i think even we Christians believe that the mirror of the law exists to demonstrate to us our wretched sinfulness - that that demonstration is the end goal. oh, how we hate that! but in romans 10:4, we learn what the true purpose of the law is - "Christ for righteousness to everyone who believes." the final purpose of the law was never to make us behave a certain way, or to make us feel guilty even, but rather to prostrate us before the throne of grace and there find the covering of the blood of Christ. not that we aren't to obey (duh), but that in the end, the law is about Jesus, too.
pretty sweet, right?
seriously, my oscar wilde professor will not know what to do with me. i daresay he's never taught a mind like mine before - so ridiculously all over the place!

1:09 AM

The Saga of Lauren's Back

17 years ago

four year-old lauren wakes up in the middle of the night. her bad dream sends her racing into mom and dad's room. laying her head on the foot of the bed seems like a good idea, until something pops in her neck and she is both in signficant pain and unable to move. this state continues for about 24 hours. her body then returns to normal, though she is occasionally plagued by sharp pain in the neck when she turns her head.

7 years ago

playing volleyball in the front yard with sister katie, lauren turns her head to watch the ball go flying past her and something snaps in her neck. she moves her head back to a resting position but is in excruciating pain. so begins the hardcore suffering.

she can't sleep at all unless there are pillows strategically placed under random parts of her body. by the time she goes to school two days later, she is hardly able to hold her head up and in blinding pain.

lauren's mom, being the good mom that she is, comes to school to pick her up and take her to the doctor. several prescriptions are written, a pediatric orthopedic surgeon is recommended, and she is told to wear a towel around her neck for additional support.

the orthopedic dudes (who turn out to be plural, as you can see) prescribe different drugs, do x-rays, and make fun of her behind closed doors (but not so closed they are not audible to lauren and her mom), insisting even to her face that she's making all this up. they can't figure out what's wrong, so at mom's insistence, they recommend a pediatric neurologist. this is a good 2-3 months after they started seeing her.

during all this folderal, lauren can't participate in athletic activity, can't carry her own backpack, and can't get stuff out of her locker, which is of course a bottom locker. she is (thanks to those orthopedic dudes) also on amitryptaline (spelling?), which was approved by the fda as treatment for depression, but which they prescribed to cut the pain. that presented a whole nother slew of problems, as you can imagine. it's just not a good idea to give people drugs to do things other than what they are supposed to do.

anyway, so next is the neurologist, who is nice. he is also old, and he ups and retires soon after the first consulation. so the "replacement," who is also very nice, suggests an mri. yay for mris. of course, she couldn't find anything wrong either. but lauren did learn that it comes in handy to be able to read upside down. the technician almost drugged me and put me in a cat scan instead of the mri because he misidentified me. fun, eh?

anyway, so the neurologist sent me off with a "have fun and don't hurt yourself," which is always nice to hear from a doctor. i quit taking that nasty drug when the pain came back full-force, but by that time it had done its damage already. i was also sent to a physical therapist with an excellent reputation in town. after her attempt at calming the muscles and nerves in my back, she refused to ever touch me again. apparently blacking out, hot flashes and chills across the back, and tingling in the arms is not normal after heat therapy. who knew?

up until present day

pretty much i've had to learn my limits, be careful, and try to stay out of the er, which is alot easier said than done. its easy to despise my physical limitations, to push myself too hard, and to wind up prostrate for days. i've had some nasty flare-ups, the scariest of which have occurred recently and for no apparent reason. whatever the heck is wrong with me is still undiagnosed, but anyone who is accustomed to what back muscles are supposed to feel like can tell there is something wrong with mine.

i can do alot of normal things you wouldn't expect, like play volleyball and work at barnes & noble and drive for 14 hours in a day. but i have weird things i can't do, and sometimes i lose feeling (or gain bad feelings) in my left arm and/or shoulder. it's not fun. but i have learned already in so many ways about God's provision, and how it not being what i expect or want doesn't make it inferior - in fact, often that very fact makes it superior. what i want or expect is so much shallower and thinner and weaker than the deep, robust, glorious grace i receive. so as much as sometimes it is hard as all get out, i wouldn't trade this history for all the chocolate in the world.

funny how what breaks you can make you, too.

*** yes i did just write about myself in the third person. less melodramatic that way. ***

11:46 PM

Church Sign


1:45 AM

I MUST Be Presbyterian

i have discovered a wine i like - and it's not even sparkling!

4:46 PM

Happy House

i must confess that things are shaping up quite nicely over in the new digs. i am totally in love with the place and the fact that it is not made of cinderblocks and that it's beautiful and that it's mine and emily's, not the school's. it's huge to me. i LOVE it.

in case i didn't mention it before, my cousin and my best friend are engaged. it happened way earlier in the summer, but now that i'm living with her again, wedding plans and such like will become everyday life and thus fodder for the fun and exciting world of blogging. you have been forwarned.

a few weeks ago when i posted my list of cds, i neglected to mention the category best cd to listen to while getting an mri. the answer, of course, is out of the grey's album "(see inside)."

12:21 AM

Pot Nug

so i'm watching top gun right now, which is not what i expected. the chick keeps trying to be grace kelly. yeah, sweetheart, good luck with that.

a TON of progress on the moving in/organizing front today. i am happy to report that almost all of my clothes are fitting in my dresser and in my closet. it has taken an insane amount of creative thinking to make that happen, which is due largely to the fact that i am a clothes nut. you probably knew that already though.

i love various forms of decorative creativity - wrapping presents, writing notes, creating stationery, putting stickers on everything (not literally), photography, and (my favorite) interior design. it's not like i'm good enough at any of those things to be noteworthy, but i really enjoy them. this could explain my large box of stickers or my signficiant marker collection.

tom cruise was never particularly attractive, was he? and then his mind went and so did all the poor guy's potential. at least he had some talent at one point or another.

i have been listening to lots of skip ryan sermons and a couple of john piper sermons. it's good times.

i am so weird. :)

12:46 AM


i really like my apartment. i like my couches and my shower curtain and my laundry room and my dining room table and my chairs and my carpet and my lampy-poos and my room and the bookcase i just built and all the books i just put on it. it's happiness and flowers.

just so you know the lineup of what classes you'll be hearing about, this fall's schedule includes:
jane austen
20th century american poetry
russian masterworks in translation
oscar wilde directed reading

pretty sweet, right?

9:29 AM

Nope, I'm Not Dead

... but darcy, my lovely school-issued laptop, has died. at least insofar as the system board is concerned. this explains my absence of late. but spaz thou not, i am back.

2:14 AM


so i haven't written lately, and it's because i've been exhausted/working/sick/had nothing to say. i still don't have much to say, but i have to say something because it's been a few days. so i'll tell you a few fun things.

thing #1: my favorite food in the whole entire world is salmon, the way they make it at the hanover inn. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm good.

thing #2: my favorite vegetable is asparagus. see above for cooking style.

thing #3: when i throw up, sometimes the bloodvessels in my face do something weird and i get resultant spots all over my face and neck.

thing #4: if i could wish any superhero into actual existence, it would totally be batman.

thing #5: i was afraid of the dark when i was very small. i became a christian in the dark because i was scared. now i really like the dark.

thing #6: i newly have decided i like the x files.

10:30 PM

totally stolen from micah

1. One book that changed your life: the Bible. [next on the list: john piper's the pleasures of God]

2. One book that you’ve read more than once: francine rivers' redeeming love

3. One book you’d want on a desert island: the Bible again

4. One book that made you laugh: eats, shoots, and leaves (yes, i am a grammar nazi)

5. One book that made you cry: taliesin by stephen lawhead

6. One book that you wish had been written: the lord peter wimsy mystery novel where he and his newly-wedded bride (harriett vane) have a baby.

7. One book that you wish had never been written: bill myer's fire of heaven.

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read: the enduring community by les newsom and brian habig

10. Now tag five people: you, you, you, you, and you. (do 5 people even read my blog?)

1:24 AM


does anyone know how to get blood out of leather?

12:36 AM

Music Meme

i am totally making this up as i go.

1. Favorite Song of All Time: Alas! and Did My Savior Bleed?
2. Favorite Singer: tie between Sandra McCracken and Andrew Peterson
Favorite Song by Sandra McCracken: No More Tears
Favorite Song by Andrew Peterson: Carried Along
3. Favorite Band: Shane & Shane
Favorite Song by Shane & Shane: The Answer
Runners Up: Psalm 118, You Said, Song of Surrender, Hosea
4. Favorite Band from the 90s: Out of the Grey
Favorite Song by Out of the Grey: three-way tie between Remember This, Disappear, and My God You Are (Psalm 22)
5. Favorite Singer from the 80s: Sandi Patti. So sue me.
Favorite Song by Sandi Patti: Via Dolorosa
6. Favorite Country Song: Somebody's Hero
7. Favorite Country Band of the Moment: The Wreckers
Favorite Song by The Wreckers: Leave the Pieces
8. Favorite Disney Channel Singer/Band: Aly & AJ
Favorite Song by Aly & AJ: Slow Down
9. Favorite U2 Song: Grace
10. Favorite Movie Soundtrack: Shrek 2
Runner Up: Sweet Home Alabama
11. Favorite Broadway Musical Soundtrack: Aida
12. Favorite Psych-Up Music for Basketball Games: Soul Survivor
13. Not Mentioned Old Favorite Singers/Bands*: Amy Grant, Cindy Morgan, Babbie Mason, Point of Grace, Bebo Norman, Caedmon's Call
14. Single Album You Would Take on a Road Trip: Carry Away by Shane & Shane
15. Single Artist's Work You Would Take on a Desert Island for the Rest of Your Life: Indelible Grace (hey, it counts)
16. Favorite Love Song: "Springtime Indiana" by Sandra McCracken
Runner Up: "A Page Is Turned" by Bebo Norman
17. Favorite Song by Someone Not Mentioned: "She Must and Shall Go Free" by Derek Webb

* I actually still listen to alot of Bebo and Caedmon's. They just don't make the top of the list.

12:32 AM

Oh My Gosh

it is so good to have katie home. :)

word to the wise: shane & shane are unbelievable. like amazing. like you should buy all their cds and listen to them a ton. i mean really.

actually, i have an idea. be right back.

11:48 PM

SpongeBob Hater

*disclaimer: i don't actually hate spongebob, though i'm not exactly a big fan. that's just what my brother suggested i title this sucker.

katie's home! (that would be my sister.)

also of note: i'm hungry, i love justice, and i would like to see "my super exgirlfriend."

i am addicted to the flipword game on yahoo.

i really need to start reading my oscar wilde biography - it's sooooooooooooo long though.

i have to review my brother's latin stuff and teach him now to study. it'll be interesting.

12:11 AM


just kidding.

"a few good men" was a good movie.

12:32 AM

At the Risk of Sounding Like a Commercial...

boundless.org has two more great articles this week.

the one by j. budziszewski is about gender differences. it's crowning statement? "There's no such thing as generic person. There are only men and women." the rest of it is good too.

kirk cameron's article features these whiz-bang sentences:
"sin is not an honest mistake and Jesus did not die to make you happy."
"within the last 100 years, a new gospel has crept into our churches. it has been designed not to offend you...it gently suggests that you open your heart to jesus if your current lifestyle isn't working for you, and try God 'when the time is right for you.'"

he also quotes george whitefield: "first, then, before you can speak peace to your hearts, you must be made to see, made to feel, made to weep over, made to bewail, your actual transgressions against the law of God."

12:14 AM

So I Got This Phone Call Today

it was pretty shocking. i was in the upper room (a room upstairs with a nice sized high def tv and the accompanying accoutrements, some comfortable seating, and a ton of my books and bills) reading the no. 1 ladies' detective agency, when my cell phone started vibrating. it was my dad.

now this may not strike you as odd if a) you know my father, b) you know me, c) you've been reading my blog for more than like 6 days, or d) some combo thereof, but that is because you are missing an important factor: he was in the same house as me, and he knew it. and guess what he was calling for - to tell me i'm special and he loves me very much, a thought he has communicated to me pretty darn frequently even just today.

the bar has been set awfully high for any potential suitors in my future, huh? :)

1:34 AM

Oh My Poor Feet

should my feet hurt after working for 8.5 hours (with 3.5 hours and then 4.25 hours spent entirely on my feet)? they do, but is that something i should be okay with, or are even my new shoes crappy?

i have alot of fun thoughts about "the critic as artist," a dialogue-style essay by oscar wilde, but i'm too exhausted to think about it.

12:02 AM


wts-dallas is definitely number one on the list. i'm tired and i had a big headache today. i love books. tomorrow i have to work for almost 9 hours. i am a selfish wretch - i'm realizing more and more just how preoccupied with me i am. it's very humbling.

i love law and order. and my parents rock.

12:54 AM


katie (that would be my sister) is coming home for 7 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12:36 AM

Let All Things Now Living

let all things now living
a song of thanksgiving
to God the Creator triumphantly raise -
Who fashioned and made us,
protected and stayed us,
Who guides us and leads till the end of our days.
His banners are o'er us,
His light goes before us,
a Pillar of fire shining forth in the night;
till shadows have vanished
and darkness is banished
as forward we travel from light into light.

His law He enforces
the stars in their courses
the sun in its orbit obediently shines
the hills and the mountains
the rivers and fountains
the deeps of the ocean proclaim Him divine.
we too should be voicing
our love and rejoicing;
with glad adoration, a song let us raise
till all things now living
unite in thanksgiving
to God in the highest, hosanna and praise!


we sang this hymn in church today and i remembered how much i love it. it really is wonderful. :)

just one major thought - "His banners are o'er us" would be a reference to the song of solomon 2:4-> "He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love." not only should this line conjure up battle imagery, but lover imagery as well.

the Lord is a warrior and a husband, eh?

12:42 AM

I Think...

...that my favorite movie is "pirates of the caribbean: curse of the black pearl." i just don't think there is any way around it.

and really bad eggs.

1:15 AM

Bobbi Brown

every girl wants to beautiful, and feeling beautiful really makes a difference in a girl's confidence. i think that's the biggest perk of makeup, actually. today i went by the bobbi brown counter at the mall and got a makeover, bought some makeup, and came home feeling fabulous. it's amazing how much some powdery stuff and some mascara can really make a difference in how i feel about how i look. i know that probably sounds so incredibly shallow, but it's going on inside me. and i think it's ok. makeup and fashion and shoes and all that are loads of fun in my opinion, but only if they don't supplant more important things. i have a whole fun philosophy of makeup, but i won't bore y'all with that. i just wanted to be like "yay makeup" and wound up explaining it and defending it kinda. i am weirdddddddddddd.

oh, and i have exciting news: i now have eight (8) chairs to go around my dropleaf table, which belonged to my great grandmother gertrude. how cool is that? mom and i drove out to the boonies and looked for hours today before coming back to down and - rather close to home - we found the most comfortable ones - which were, relatively speaking, inexpensive.

11:05 PM

I Like This Article

you should read it.

12:46 AM

Some Ponderances

(didn't want to call it "some thoughts," as i thought that might be stealing)

i am reading the picture of dorian gray right now in preparation for my directed reading on oscar wilde. it's certainly cleared up a few things for me about how/why people like wilde were so incredibly dysfunctional. in fact, i have started to wonder how people caught up in the sort of lifestyle so common to the english landed classes in the 1800s ever turned out moderately healthy.

tomorrow is another "big event" at the good ole b&n, this one centering on e.b. white's charlotte's webb. party time. :)

darren wanted a sample of what is on that big list i wrote of books i would like to read. here's that sample:
crunchy cons by rod dreher
stop dating the church by joshua harris
on writing: a memoir of the craft by stephen king
a total waste of makeup by kim gruenenfelder
the grits guide to life by deborah ford
the color of water by james mcbride
the dressmaker by elizabeth oberback
heat by bill buford
the novelist by angela elwell hunt
stonehenge by bernard cornwell
the poisonwood bible by barbara kingsolver
the secret life of bees by sue monk kidd

there's the sample. :)

12:05 AM

"I Am a Handsome Bald Man"

that (^) has got to be the greatest quote from my (thus far) favorite episode of dharma and greg, which is a FABULOUSLY hilarious show i happen to adore. i have way too much time on my hands.

so now mama and i are getting down to business in two major areas - organizing my finances (which is largely a teaching/guiding process for her of me, if that makes sense) and finding dining room chairs for my apartment. estate sales here we come!! :)

i love watermelon. i also love books, and i made a huge list of books i want to read the other day. it's not really a "huge" list, but it only includes "fun books" - nothing too exhausting or taxing, except a little theology. mostly candy bar books, in other words.

11:17 PM

Kill or Be Killed

tim tinsley preached a lovely sermon yesterday on romans 8:12-17 about the doctrine of adoption. here are some great quotes and thoughts from it.

God doesn't invite us into His kingdom to clean us up and make us presentable. He does not let us stay with Him temporarily - He full-out adopts us, giving us full rights and privileges of children of God (and coheirs with Christ). we are not second-class citizens in His kingdom - we are sons and daughters.

as we grow in Christ, we don't get more faith, we get more knowledge of the faithfulness of God. His trustworthiness is proven to us over time. that's part of the Holy Spirit's gig - He moves into our hearts and begins immediately convincing us that we are sons and daughters. we need convincing of this. children behave differently than hired help - children have different attitudes than hired help. furthermore, children act like hosts in their Father's house, not like guests.

the family trait of the family of God is holiness

there is a difference between conviction and condemnation

the doctrine of adoption is dropped down here in this passage between "no condemnation" and "no separation" which is way cool
by the way, i wasn't pancake pig. i did alot of fun other stuff instead, like read the story and plan the craft and blow bubbles. (the bubbles are their favorite part.)

12:08 AM

Pajamarama and Baby Proof

so i know i haven't been so great at updating regularly. that is mostly due to two factors: 1) i have been rather busy, and 2) i have been rather exhausted. i hope to resume more or less daily posts starting with this one. i've got alot stocked up to write about.

today, however, i will tell you about friday night. we had our monthly pajamarama, when a character from a children's book comes to visit our store. we do a special story time, and the kids come in their pajamas (usually) in the late evening. this time, our guest was pancake pig. woohoo to that, huh?

to make things more complicated, emily giffin (author of something borrowed, something blue, and the new york times best seller baby proof) . we had a rather sizey crowd of mostly young women, unsurprising since she's a chic-lit heroine. she was really sweet, which is not exactly normal for an author. i've personally only read something borrowed, and while i really enjoyed her style of writing and her honesty about the human condition (so to speak), it wasn't what i expected and i was kinda disappointed. not in her ability as an author, but in the plot and a couple of the characters. read the blurb and you'll see why.

i'm so glad my mom is home. it's such a relief to not eat lunch alone every day. :)

10:28 PM

Im Tired

i am. tired. very. tired. it's annoying.

i love america.

"but may you never be so happy that you forget about your home
your home in the land of the free" - andy peterson

sandra has a new cd coming out. i'm so excited.

the devil wears prada was hilarious. superman returns was great. i'm going to see pirates on saturday.

did i mention i was tired?

my condolences to all hockey fans bemoaning the loss of that guy who retired.

12:58 AM

Speaking of...

..."fireworks and rain," that's what happened tonight. it ended in a pretty pathetic way...

12:42 AM

3 Main Thoughts

1) the number one way to reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally make me mad is to pick on either my mother or my sister. in this case it was my mom who was ill-treated, and i am madder than a wet hen and a wet cat - COMBINED.

2) superman returns was a good movie.

3) it should not be necessary for the movie theater to have a sign that says "children under 6 years of age will not be allowed in R rated movies after 6 pm."

11:33 PM

Funny Label

on my shampoo bottle...

"Directions: Massage into wet hair and indulge in the luxurious lather. Surrender to the intoxicating fragrance. Rinse when ready..."


2:32 PM

Close of the Day

by sandra mccracken

close of the day
fireworks and rain
it feels like a holiday
unburdens my frame
and this is not what i deserve

from where we fell
the voice of rapture tells
a story of weight and wonder
to carry us down
and this is not what we deserve

He rolls out a blanket
to hymns of the ages
the tales of the sages
coming alive
and this is not what i deserve

face like no other
kiss of a lover
the marks of my name
torn into Your hands
and this is not what You deserve

2:17 PM

Pet Peeve of the Day

one thing i absolutely hate is when a song's lyrics don't match its tune. i particularly hate this in hymns. today's example: o love that wilt not let me go. this song is fabulous - theologically sound, emotionally engaging, beautiful words. the original tune, however, is crap. i hate it. it makes you sound like a cross between a dying cow and the mysterious "sea cows" in the background of sandra mccracken's song "close of the day" (which, by the way, is an excellent song with the exception of the sea cows - i'll blog it sometime). the new ruf tune (a la indelible grace) is wayyyyyyyyyy better. makes it sound like we're actually GLAD that Christ's love isn't letting us go...

12:40 AM


you know what is way fun? hanging out with my dad. since he and i are the only ones at home right now, and both of us weren't working today, we just kinda hung out. we went to olive garden (my treat, now that i have a paycheck and it was just father's day and that's his favorite restaurant) and then we came back and chilled before we went to see the lake house, which was really sweet. i ran into ann taylor loft for a couple of minutes and bought a skirt on sale and a really cute top i've had my eye on. we went to a lady in our church's apartment to fix her alarm clock. she's got aspergers and lives alone and just generally has a hard time of it. :-( after we left her place, we ran by the volvo dealership in order to pick up a treasure map to try to find the buried treasure, a la pirates of the caribbean 2. then we swung over to blockbuster to pick up glory road, which we watched and liked, basketball people that we are.

we talked alot. i can't imagine having parents who didn't like to talk to me. today's major topics of conversation were (a) church discipline, particularly regarding homosexuality; (b) the next year in general; and (c) my bedtimes.

all in all, a day well spent.

1:15 AM

The Devil May Wear Prada...

...but i think he also made my black BCBGirls pumps. my feet are KILLING me. i have a giant blister on my right foot (where a bunion would be if i had one) and like 5 other blisters located around various parts of my toes.

but lauren, you idiot, this was clearly unwise - you wore high-heeled shoes to a job which does not allow you to sit down? what did you expect to happen? well, gentle reader [wow saying that is way trippier than i expected], i have better balance in heels. i am more comfortable in heels. and i can't wear flipflops, so most of my shoes are out anyway. heck, i bought these shoes to work in - i have a pair of brown shoes from the same designer that i love so much i'll plan an entire week's wardrobe around them. they are crazy comfortable, and i thought these would be too. apparently not. :-(

9:50 PM

Wilma, I'm Home!!!

well, back to the blogging world is more like it. the last week and a half as been muy crazy, but i return unscathed, at least permanently. it's been good, it's been bad - it's been all over the place. and now you probably want the rundown.

ok, well the superhuge good news is that my famous match-making experiment between my best friend and my cousin reached its one year reunion while we were in cape may. they've been dating for almost a year, and last week, he proposed. she said yes. we had champagne when they got back to the house. it was mahvelous......... :)

[sidenote: i am SO a fan of people getting married. they should do it more often, but only once and it's good for life. did that make sense?]

there were lots of fun family times at the beach this week. it was really fun - i love the part of these extended-family vacations that involves serious cross-generational interaction necessary when between 14 and 24 (depending on the day) people are under the same roof. some serious QT with cousins from 1 1/2 to 30-something, with aunts and uncles, and even with my grandfather, who miraculously got to come with.

and i read a really really interesting book. if you (a) liked jane eyre and/or pride and prejudice, (b) liked wuthering heights but always wished the men would behave like men instead of like 5 year olds, and (c) can handle the idea of a book longer than 400 pages (this one is more like 650), let me recommend wilkie collins' lady in white. i read the whole dang thing in less than 5 days. :) oh, and it's kinda a girlie book and yet not exclusively - in that respect, it's much more like wuthering heights.

sidenote: the mavs are being good boys and playing well and with heart and pride. me gusta mucho. (the past couple of games have been embarrassing though, i will admit.) humbling that sizey texas ego you know we have...

we saw cars while we were on vacay. it was cute

the bad stuff that happened was that out of the 20-some-odd people who were in the house at various times throughout the week, 7 of us got rather sick. i somehow managed to get sick twice (yes, we all know i have extremely bad chances against most illnesses that come my way), and the second time was saturday night. i have never been so sick in my life. i hardly slept. i couldn't come home sunday because i could hardly handle a quick shower, let alone a 3 hour car drive to the airport and all that was to follow it. i came home monday night, but was really light-headed and suffering from a pretty intense headache. i've been exhausted as my body has been trying to recover.

i have also read some books i didn't like. prime example: something borrowed. (i know i know - what was i thinking?)

then there was a lovely experience where i really realized in a whole new way just how bad i am with money. i just don't understand it. mom and i have outlined a gameplan to pinpoint the problem and fix it. it just scares me because i thought i was being more careful. at least i didn't do irreparable damage to anything (like my credit report or my tenants' electricity). sure is a good thing you can't overdraw the grace of God. and at least i still have time to learn before i really could do some serious damage.

gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo mavs!

11:01 PM

happy news

i have some happy news: i get to go hang with the fam and the extended fam and em and her sis and pop REALLY soon. like in 3 days or so. yay for that. oh, and at the beach. :-D

11:52 PM

His Love Can Never Fail

this is a hymn on the new indelible grace cd, which i so far think is excellent. that said, i have only gotten to song 7 or something... i keep listening to the other ones over and over again because i like them so much...

without further ado,

His Love Can Never Fail
i do not ask to see the way
my feet will have to tread,
but only that my soul may feed
upon the living Bread.
tis better far that i should walk
by faith close to His side;
i may not know the way i go
but, oh, i know my Guide

His love can never fail, His love can never fail
my soul is satisfied to know His love can never fail
my soul is satisfied to know His love can never fail

and if my feet would go astray,
they cannot, for i know
that Jesus guides my falt'ring steps
as joyfully i go.
and though i may not see His face,
my faith is strong and clear
that in each hour of sore distress
my Savior will be near

His love can never fail, His love can never fail
my soul is satisfied to know His love can never fail
my soul is satisfied to know His love can never fail

i will not fear, though darkness come
abroad o'er all the land,
if i may only feel the touch
of His own loving hand.
and though i tremble when i think
how weak i am, and frail,
my soul is satisfied to know
His love can never fail

His love can never fail, His love can never fail
my soul is satisfied to know His love can never fail
my soul is satisfied to know His love can never fail
isn't that beautiful?

4:05 PM

Great Quotes from The Wedding

"Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day." (63)

Jane: "I wanted someone who wanted to marry a wife and mother, and someone who would respect my choice." (156)

"Though I'd been the same man I'd been for the past year - a man deeply in love with his wife and trying his best to keep her - I'd made one small but significant adjustment.
"This week, I hadn't been focusing on my problems and doing my best to correct them. This week, I'd been thinking of her; I'd committed myself to helping her with family responsibilities, I'd listened with interest whenever she spoke, and everything we discussed seemed new. I'd laughed at her jokes and held her as she'd cried, apologized for my faults, and showed her the affection she both needed and deserved. In other words, I'd been the man she'd always wanted, the man I once had been, and - like an old habit rediscovered - I now understood that it was all I ever needed to do for us to begin enjoying each other's company once again." (182)

here's the link again.

12:18 AM

Oh, The DaVinci Code

this evening i attended a talk given by skip ryan about the davinci code. he talked about what is wrong with the history and theology presented in the book and the film. it was quite good, and i commend to you in particular his statement that christian thought that isn't thought out isn't worth thinking at all. (think about that for a minute ;-)) but of course, while the lies and deceit, comingled with just enough truth to be believable, are dangerous, what is perhaps more dangerous to those of us who do think about these things is the distraction from the gospel it provides. Christ died to save sinners. the davinci code steals that from us - it, like all forms of gnosticism, makes salvation and redemption something we can handle. but the truth is that we are hopelessly screwed up and nothing short of the death and resurrection of the Son of God could remedy the mess i've gotten myself into (and by mess i mean eternal damnation) and restore me to right relationship with God Himself through union with the Son. we should remember this, the heart of the gospel, when we talk with people about the book and the film. after all, facts help, but they don't change hearts. only the Holy Spirit working through the gospel, which paul tells us is "the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes..." (Romans 1:16)

[please do not hear me say that the greatest benefit of the gospel is that we don't burn in hell. as i am learning in God is the gospel, it is rather that God is glorified and that we get to be with Him - revelling in His presence - forever. that should bring to mind the westminster catechism's first question...]

1:30 AM


sorry, i'm becoming increasingly bad at titling things. this is just another update, full of random thoughts and updates and questions.

my sister's flight gets in tonight at 2ish AM. since i spent most of the day on my back with a rather bizarre and highly unwelcome illness, i'm going to bed before then, but i hope she wakes me up to say hi. i've missed her.

yesterday at the wonderful annual memorial day party thrown by some family friends i got into a fight of sorts with an old middle school history professor of mine. he ridiculed me, frankly, for my "ignorant" claim to be a calvinist when i don't even know what the (pardon my spelling) bezial and hermention debates were. though a google search wouldn't come up with anything, i did try searching a few more terms he mentioned and found this, which seems to be on topic with the debate we had. call me crazy, but in my extremely young and relatively uneducated mind, it seems like the four options outlined on that site - and the two options (of those four, don't think he made them up) my professor mentioned in our discussion - present for us an inappropriately limited number of options. that's what i think anyway.

on an entirely different note, today i read the wedding and loved it. basically, it's the story of a man who realizes he needs to woo his wife again after 29 years of marriage. by now you probably know i'm quite the romantic, so it should come as no surprise that i liked the book. but i saw so much more in it - the redemption of relationship is a beautiful thing. i'll post a few quotes from it tomorrow.

thanks to everyone who posted their favorite books from childhood. i'm responsible for story time and so my question was defintely designed in part to get ideas. it seems that there are sometimes connections between such things and who we become later. and sometimes not nearly so much.

i will never understand boxing - like RAW on tnt and such. i just don't get the appeal at all.

12:56 AM

Odyssey Quotes

Connie: "Eugene, you just ended a sentence with a preposition!"
Eugene: "Impossible! Prepositions are not words I end sentences with!"
Connie: "I think it needs a bigger ending."
Bernard: "Oh, like what?"
Sam: "Maybe Percival goes out and gets hit by a bus."
Courtney: "A bus."
Sam: "Yeah! Then the moral could be look both ways before you cross the street."
Connie: "I don't think so, Sam."
Jason: "Eugene, how would you like to take a trip to the Middle East?"
Eugene: "I'd have to think about it. Okay, I thought about it - let's go! By the way... your treat?"
Clerk: "The bell works, sir, but thank you for testing it for us; nice robe, by the way."
Eugene: "It's a caftan, I've recently returned from the Middle East."
Clerk: "Delaware or Maryland?"
[a little later]
Eugene: "'The bell works sir.' I'd like to work his bell."

12:30 AM

Tell Me Tell Me: Favorite Children's Books

ok, so occasionally i will ask you to tell me something. a "sound off" opportunity of sorts.

some of my favorite books from my childhood were ~>

ezra jack keats' the snowy day
don freeman's corduroy
russell hoban's frances books
eric carle's the very hungry caterpillar
marjorie flack's the story about ping
beatrix potter's stories
leroy neiman's casey at the bat
anything nancy drew
louisa may alcott's little women
l. m. montgomery's anne of green gables

what were your favorite books as a small child?