1:21 AM

Liar, Liar Pants on Fire

I have realized that I am living a lie. While I think and will tell you that I never tell falsehoods, the truth is that the lie is, well, I lie. And this is my public confession.

The nature of these lies may seem insignificant. It may seem lazy. It is certainly that latter, but the former...

You see, I have this habit... a habit of typing "lol" on IM even when I'm not laughing out loud.

Heinous, isn't it?

I've thought about it before, but never so much as when, the other night, I received this IM from Kyle while we were in the same room: "hey." I replied "lol" - after all, we were in the same room. WHICH ENABLED HIM TO CATCH ME RED-HANDED. His response? "liar" Boy do I feel awful now.

I just wish there was something like lol but not lol that would express the thought ~ "I find you amusing at the moment." I feel like "hahahaha" does about the same thing as lol. "heehee" is too 4-years-old for normal use, and "hehe" can be downright patronizing. So I have, instead of trying to create a viable alternative, been lazy and used a term that is not technically accurate.

In other news, I wish my finernails would come off more willingly...

2:43 PM

What's Big, and Red, and Eats Rocks?

a big, red, rock-eater.

i promise to post today.

1:12 AM


I'm really fried - like the dead-on-your-feet, not spelling or punctuating things right, making really dumb jokes fried. (Then again, I routinely make really dumb jokes... perhaps that was a bad example...) But despite my exhaustion, I really wanted to write today, so I'm going to write really random things. Enjoy the innerworkings of a very very bizarre mind!

oh yeah, by the way she moves she's got me rolling in dirt in a white t-shirt... - josh gracin

i love pickels. i wish the Pit used best maid pickels though - the ones we have are pretty good, but those are the best kind ever...

i've got nothing to lose. :) - josh gracin again (same song even)

time goes by so slowly for those who wait (yes i did just quote madonna)

ok i feel like quoting alot of this carrie underwood song that is REALLY fun to sing really loud, so here we go. it's called "before he cheats."

"right now he's probly slowdancin' with a beach blonde tramp and she's probly getting frisky
right now he's probly buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't shoot the whisky
right now he's probly up behind her with a pool stick showing her how to shoot a combo
and he don't know

that i dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive
and carved my name into his leather seats
i took a louisville slugger to both headlights
and slashed a hole in all four tires
maybe next time he'll think before he cheats

right now she's probly up singing some white-trash version of shania karaoke..."

yeah that is a fun song to sing....

gnosticism is so heresy.

everybody's got highs and lows; it's alright, it's the weight of love - leann rimes

my head hurts. good night.

oh yeah, one more thing ~ you can't fight the moonlight... :)

11:52 AM

Why Do Good Things Happen to Bad People?

I think that if we understood how screwed up people are, this would be a much more frequently asked question. Just goes to show how quick to justify ourselves we are - we want to think we deserve good things.

Total depravity or bust, baby.

12:03 AM

Are YOU a Heretic?

You scored as Chalcedon compliant. You are Chalcedon compliant. Congratulations, you're not a heretic. You believe that Jesus is truly God and truly man and like us in every respect, apart from sin. Officially approved in 451.

Chalcedon compliant




























Are you a heretic?
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9:21 PM

English Common Law Comes in Handy

Who would have thought? But I had a realization because of some ancient Roman civil law statutes that we read today in class which seems kinda profound. Negligence is a form of culpability. In other words, not doing something or taking care of something that is yours to do or care for means you are irresponsible, but still fully responsible for your irresponsibility. I'd never thought about it before.

So classes are ghastly and wonderful. I really am annoyed by Astronomy, somewhat lazy in and bored by English Common Law, enjoying reading Plato in Greek (though it is a bit intimidating), and absolutely loving both of my English classes. British Romantic Poets is fun and interesting and engaging, but it is also frustrating because of the extent to which the character of God and the Gospel itself get dragged through the mud, misrepresented, and decried by William Blake, who is thus far the only poet we've read. Post-Vietnam African-American Literature is fascinating, but a little over my head. We are currently reading Mumbo Jumbo by Ishmael Reed, and it is far and away the hardest book I've ever read. Oh for the days when I read The Hound of the Baskervilles and only didn't understand it because my vocabulary had some growing to do! With this book I feel intellectually incapable and quite small.

The thing is, I am small, if not in shoe-size, at least in the grand scheme of things. And that's ok. The amazing thing is that though I am so small, the God of the universe remembers me. Even if I don't understand the 35 allusions on every page of Mumbo Jumbo. Even if I can't even find one of said allusions in a whole chapter.

Other thoughts of note include the fact that I wish the weather would settle down. I love the warm days - like today and Friday (I think it was Friday) - but the changes from warm to cold are givin' me migraines or headaches. It's driving me batty.

I like it when Wake wins, by the way. Especially when we were up by about 30 points during part of the game. Double especially when Shamaine Dukes and Harvey Hale start gellin' on the court. Triple especially when Cameron Stanley playing time. Cam Stan is fabulous, and has a vertical like none other, and is fabulous on defense. I have no idea why he doesn't play more. He is amazing.

The last thing I'll write for now is that I really am grateful for the people who love me. And I have the greatest parents ever.

Peace out.

12:31 AM

That Taste I Know

... why am i not passionate about sharing it?

shane & shane quote: "You said, 'ask and I'll give the nations to you' - oh Lord, that's the cry of my heart."

how i wish it wasn't just something i want, but something i crave, something i hunger for - something i would sacrifice and die daily for.

right now THAT is the cry of my heart.

12:43 AM

Quote of the Week

oliver wendell holmes: "repose is not the destiny of man."

12:50 AM

First Day of Classes, Take One

Who knew I would go from dreading to LOVING British Romantic Poets (of all things??) in one day? But the professor is amazing and the background information we covered today was fascinating. English Common Law, on the other hand, is kinda scary in its intensity - it'll be like a law school class.

And RUF was incredible... (shocker!)

Tomorrow's line up is Greek (Plato), Astronomy, and African American Lit.

Oh, and by the way, I am going to be leading a bible study on Ephesians this semester. That will be really fun. I bet the Bible study will make the blog a few times...

Peace out.

12:30 AM

What Does Love Look Like?

I am, as anyone who knows me very well, a music afficianado. I have 2312 songs on my iTunes right now. I sing almost the entire way on road trips.

One thing I love to do is reobsess. Case in point: until a few days ago, I didn't have any of my rather ancient Avalon cds on the computer, but I fixed that ... and then rediscovered my love for the song "give it up" from their first cd. I listened to it alot on the drive back to Wake. I was particularly struck by the second verse. I'd better quote the whole thing to give you some context though.

dream a little dream
dream a little while
remembering a day when you were wide-eyed
gave the Lord your heart
gave Him all your soul
slowly you have taken back control

now you're somewhere in between
your new world and your old routine

dream a little dream
dream a little while
dream with me of how you think it might be

to give Him all your heart (give it up give it up)
give Him all your life (give it up give it up)
give Him all your soul (give it up give it up)
give it up give it up

the choice is black or white
not a shade of grey
because in love there's no such thing as half-way
devotion can't be swayed
emotions can't be torn
He'd rather we be hot or cold than luke-warm

bring the Father all your soul
there's freedom in the letting go...

ok. so now you've got some context. here's the line that captivates me: "because in love there's no such thing as half-way." I have really been thinking about that alot, and I think it's true. You can't love Jesus part-way. You can't have Him as Savior and not Lord. It just doesn't work. And because we should love Him, it becomes a moral issue - the choice IS black or white.

Here's the amazing thing: not only is that sort of moral decision inherent in our relationship with God, but also with each other. We are commanded to love one another, and if we don't that's disobedience. And, in case you hadn't noticed, that would be bad.

So what does this mean? And why am I writing so much on it? Because here's the clincher - in love there's no such thing as halfway. Not with Jesus, not with others. It's not love if you hold back. It's not love if you're preoccupied with keeping your territory. Of course, I don't mean that there aren't appropriate boundaries for relationships to have - love must be tough - but it must be LOVE as well.

What if we really tried to outdo each other in loving kindness? What if we actually obeyed these words?

"a new command I give you: love one another. as i have loved you, so you must love one another. by this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (john 13:34-5)

"be devoted to one another in brotherly love. honor one another above yourselves." (romans 12:10)

"let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law." (romans 13:8)

"you, my brothers, were called to be free. but do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love." (galatians 5:13)

"be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." (ephesians 4:2)

"and let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds." (hebrews 10:24)

"now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart." (1 peter 1:22)

Though love will look different in different relationships, it certainly will have the same heart. And the amazing thing is that our love of Christ fuels, shapes, even defines our love for others.

Scary. I don't know how to do this very well. But at least now I have a better idea of how it looks...

3:13 AM


i love wake.

10:22 PM

Barely Home

I've been all over the place - well, for a while anyway. Almost all of the break. And I'm going back to school on Friday - driving the whole way by myself. It'll be fun, as the break was. I got to watch my sister play some serious basketball, hang out with great family members in virginia and pennsylvania, go to my first ever debutante ball, and attend the wedding of some friends from highschool. Not to mention the heaps and heaps of fun with my parents and brother in the car driving around alot. :-D And then the whole Christmas thing...

what Child is this, Who, laid to rest,
on mary's lap is sleeping?
Whom angels greet with anthems sweet
while shepherds watch are keeping?
this, this is Christ the King,
Whom shepherds guard and angels sing.
haste, haste to bring Him laud,
the Babe, the Son of mary!

why lies He in such mean estate,
where ox and ass are feeding?
good christian, fear - for sinners here
the silent Word is pleading.
nails, speare shall pierce Him through,
the cross be borne for me, for you;
hail, hail the Word made flesh,
the Babe, the Son of mary!

so bring Him incense, gold, and myrrh;
come, peasant, king, to own Him
the King of kings salvation brings -
let lovig hearts enthrone Him.
raise, raise the song on high,
the Virgin sings her lullaby;
joy, joy, for Christ is born,
the Babe, the Son of mary!

ladies and gentlemen, that's my favorite christmas carol. with ALL the words. (just wait till we start lent and i get into quoting all my favorite easter hymns... it's a blast.)

it's tough to be home for only 4 days at a time during christmas - and only 8 total - but this whole process has really helped me out in one huge area: figuring out that i actually do like warm climates. LOVE warm climates, perhaps. i really really do. it's been hot in dallas - even in the low 80s one day - and orlando was in the 70s and i LOVED it. it was really really fun to wear skirts and tank tops and open-toed shoes. winter is nice, and seasons are nice, but for the first time in my life i feel like i could live somewhere like california or florida that is perenially warm. that's handy information for a girl considering seminary in orlando...

speaking of seminary, i met some really great folks (who really want to get in on the RUF action - like me -) at phil and winsor's wedding - well, after it, technically. they are a seminary couple at westminster dallas, and i got to talk to them alot. it was amazing - they are so neat, and i got to ask them alot of questions. thus, my list has moved around a little to look like this:
1) RTS orlando
2) westminster dallas
3) westminster philadelphia
4) RTS charlotte
i'm excited to visit and all that. how fun is my life?

i have been working like a madwoman to organize my room - especially my books (my mom moved another bookshelf into my room). unfortunately i could still use some shelving space, but i think i can pull it off a little longer. mom and i may get some more shelving to go over my desk that would make the difference.

there's still alot to do - especially in the closet, where about half a book sale from my alma mater's library still sits in waiting to have judgement passed. their destinies lie mostly in the exciting and thrilling shelves of half price books i think - i'm trying to be ruthless...

the other big thing that needs to be done is packing. i think i might be able to pull that off tonight. we'll see though.

i can't wait to see my precious back-from abroad friends in just a few days. then again, i can't wait to see kristen on the way up and the folks i got to hang out with all last semester. and of course, i can't wait to buy more books (lol) for classes and get those classes started and get into a new rhythm. and i can't wait for the duke game, even though we're gonna loose.

i have the greatest family in world history. i dare you to prove me wrong.

i feel like doing the boogie dance. a scary thought, since i don't know what that is...

12:00 AM


i promise to catch you up on all my fun adventures later, but right now you need the correct link for the "help i'm going hyper" thing...


happy new year!