Pick Up Lines VI

These are really pathetic. Hopefully Micah won't have any trouble keeping his paws off these....

38. Excuse me, but I may be lost... Can you give me directions to wherever you're going? [...?]

39. Hey I lost my phone number... can I have yours? [Loser.]

40. What's your first name. Hmm, that goes kinda well with my last name.

41. Did I see you on the cover of Vogue? [This and any super-model line is way overused and no longer is a compliment.]

42. I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes. [If you're going with a line like this one, see #33. Way less risk of effrontery.)

43. Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I'm lost at sea. [Come ON.]

44. Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT! [Shut up. You deserved to be edited out.]

45. I'm sorry, were you talking to me? [No.] Well then, please start. [Rude and cocky not a good combo. Gentlemanly and cocky we ladies can usually handle, but rude and cocky is a recipe for disaster.]

46. You must be one heck of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room. [How shallow are you? And don't you keep that thing under some sort of security system?]

Pick Up Lines, Part V

Per Micah's request, I stopped with the pick up lines for a while. But I still had such great material left that I've decided Micah is a big boy and can exert some self-control. :-P

These are cute. I mean, I don't think you should use them unless you're writing dialogue for a screenplay, but they are cute. Here go you...

31. Hey, come here often? Can I buy you a drink? Or maybe an island?

32. Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?

33. Sorry, but you owe me a drink. [Why?] I looked at you and dropped mine.

34. Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?


Ok, and these are some Roadrunner lines - moving a bit too fast.

35. Aren't we supposed to get together for a candlelight dinner later tonight? [creeeeeepy]

36. Come live in my heart and pay no rent. [If you're already asking this, I'm wondering if there's room in that heart of yours...]

37. Looks like we're late. [For what?] Dinner. Your choice this time; I'm buying. [This one actually isn't bad if you use it with someone you know, who knows you like them and hasn't been averse to hanging out before. Use it on a stranger and prepare to be whapped with a purse.]

Pick Up Lines IV

These are a few "Christian" pick up lines. I would love to know if any of them *EVER* have worked...

22. When God made you, He was showing off. [Seriously? Any girl worth her weight in Calvin's Institutes volumes is going to think this line is ridiculously obvious. The same could be said of pine trees or lice.]

23. Do you need help carrying that heavy Bible? [Brilliant.]

24. You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither. [Who is this dumb? WHO??]

25. Would you happen to know a Christian woman that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot? [Wait, remind me why you're asking for a recommendation from a PERFECT STRANGER?]

26. Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me. [WHAT?? What does that even MEAN? Wouldn't it be a more biblically accurate allusion to say, "Excuse me, I believe you were made from one of my ribs..."? But who would say that? Geez, this one is just awful.


Ok, now for some that deserve a little credit for being clever. [Note: this is NOT the equivalent of a recommendation of usage.]

27. You're so beautiful you made me forget my standard pick up line. [Downside of this sucker is that it sounds like you go around picking up chicks all the time. Then again, maybe you do.]

28. Your good looks don't intimidate me. [If you have to use a pick up line, this one is a good option for several reasons. First, you get the "you're beautiful" out of the way. Second, you establish yourself to be strong and confident. Third, you establish that you have enough bravado to whip out a line like this and enough humor to at least capture her interest. Unless you fall flat on your face.]

29. I'm a Love Pirate, and I'm here for your Booty! Arrrrrrrrrr... [Ok, so this isn't exactly wittiness at its finest, but it's HILARIOUS.]

30. Excuse me, but I DO believe it's time we met. [Simple, direct, and to the point. I actually do endorse the use of this one and variations on the theme, depending on personality. Simple, direct, and to the point is a recipe for greatness in dealing with women - you might strike out alot, but you're striking out because she's not the right girl, not because you're being retarded.]

Pick Up Lines, Part de Trois

Here are a few nice and sleezy lines. Using these may result in the need for a body-cast.

14. Does my tongue taste funny to you?

15. Can I lick that film off your teeth?

16. I think I've just found the angel I'd like to be touched by.



And here are a few that deserve a "huh?" I can't figure out how they are supposed to do the speaker any good whatsoever.

17. What's the name of your perfume? "Catch of the day?" [Oh, great, so you're telling me I smell like fish?]

18. So, you're a girl, huh? [Need I say more?]

19. You know, if we cut off your arms you'd look just like the Venus de Milo. [Fantastic - I'm being hit on by an axe-murderer.]

20. Hi, do you speak English? [Yes.] Oh. Me too. [??????]

21. You are not a woman; you are an essence. [What does that even mean? What if I'm the essence of cow poo? Or melty crayons? Seriously, this is retarded.]

Pick Up Lines, Part Deux

Ok, these are just cheesy. Don't waste your breath on them.


7. Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together?

8. So there you are! I've been looking all over for you, the girl of my dreams!

9. Stop, drop, and roll, baby. You are on fire.

10. Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?

11. You look so good, I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit.

12. Are you lost, ma'am? Heaven sure is a long way from here.

13. Baby, you're the next contestant in the game of love.


I mean, seriously. There has GOT to be better material.

Like what I'll post tomorrow.



[PS I am SO done with the semester.]

Pick Up Lines, Part One

I'm not pulling sketchy ones in, and I'm not advocating hitting on random girls. Also, I am not advocating random girls replying to pick up lines in a sarcastic and harsh way. On the other hand, if you're using most of these, you deserve it. And if you don't know anything about her, you sure as heck shouldn't be trying to get a date. Pick up lines are typically most successful when she's already your girlfriend, fiance, or wife. From what I know.

Oh, and these are with commentary, advice, and usage tips.

1. "I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?" [Downfall of this line: It kinda sounds like you think she's a hooker, or at the very least the sluttiest slut in town, if EVERYONE knows her address and it's something they hand out to new people.]

2. "You look a lot like my next girlfriend." [It seems like it would be way to easy to slip up and say "last girlfriend." Which, unless you're trying to seduce a woman using only themes found in songs by The Killers, would be a bad call. Furthermore, the set up for the smack down is really putting you in a dangerous position - she can easily shoot back "You look like the creep who hit on me while my boyfriend is in the bathroom" or "You look like my uncle" or "You look like my old philosophy professor" or pretty much anything...]

3. "You're so fine you make me want to go out and get a job." [Need I even say a word? Gentlemen, it pays with the ladies to be gainfully employed or en route to such gainful employment.]

4. "If we were at McDonalds, and you were a hamburger, you'd be the McGorgeous." [Ok, any man who uses this line should be shot, then tried in absentia on CNN so the world can see how incredibly stupid he is. Women do not equal meat. Any analogy or reference connecting the two, except by mastication and digestion, should be eschewed until she's so in love with you she won't leave. And even then, only as a joke.]

5. [In the same vein as #4,] "If you were a laser, you'd be set on 'stunning.'" [Women are not toys. They also do not make people go blind, or make fine cuts in glass, or guard diamonds. Ok, so maybe they guard diamonds. But you need to give her a diamond to guard before you can make that joke.]

6. "Where have you been all my life?" [Now, there are a few rare cases in which this line could be pleasantly disarming - like if you've been hearing about this girl and how perfect she is for you from you best friend and his wife for weeks and you finally meet at a mutual friend's wedding/party/rehearsal dinner/etc. Actually, that's the only time I can think of this line is appropriate, and even then it's risky. She can always shoot back one of the following:

if she's bitter about being single: "Waiting for you; where the heck have you been?" - This one actually could be a good sign. Depends on the concentration of venom laced in her words.
if she's taken: "Watching Jim prepare for the big prize fight on Saturday."
if she's sarcastic: "Learning to laugh at crappy pick up lines like that one."
if she's older than you look: "Well, how old are you?"
if you creep her out: "Successfully avoiding you.... till now, apparently."

The worst thing about this line is that there is no good response for her to give, except to improvise ("Well, let's see, I did spend 12 years of it being a kid and then 7 being a teenager; and then there was college...").]