Two Lists for Book Lovers

i love books. i read voraciously, to an almost sickening degree (strike the almost if you're my sister). so i have decided to compile a couple of lists about books. tomorrow i'll post a more positive list.

the first list is of books i hate. in order for me to hate a book, something serious has to have happened. i mean, we aren't talking mere about disliking or being disturbed. i rarely really hate books. it makes them special. these are listed in terms of how virulent my hatred is, not the books' own merits. incidentally, several of these i haven't finished because i got worked up too quickly and strongly.

Top Ten Books I Hate
10. hatchet - i was highly disturbed by the ruminations of a preteen on suicide. couldn't handle it.
9. the emperor's children - just not that interesting. just enough literary proficiency to make me read the whole thing, just enough sin and disordered relationships to frustrate the heck out of me, just enough of a waste to make me like "grr" about the whole thing. especially since it was supposed to be the greatest novel of the new century according to somebody i will no longer be listening to.... if i can remember who it was.
8. the awakening - i hate to break it to you feminists who believe it, but freedom is not about escaping the responsibilities of family. it's not about escaping responsibilities period. the selfishness - claiming to speak for women - of this book really ticked me off.
7. choosing God's best - who wants to be patronized, talked down to, and lectured on romantic relationships with questionable theology? this is your book.
6. the camel club - i would hope that there would be SOME level of literary prowess in an author who has consistently made the NYT bestseller list.... but this book suggests otherwise. it's painful - full of sentences like, "not only was macon surprised to see his mother, but the sky was full of dark clouds." i made that one up, but it reflects a common sentence structure baldacci loves to use. and the plot sucks, too.
5. lipstick jungle - started reading it. stopped after page like 12 and threw it in the trash - too much sex. in the first 12 pages. not a good sign.
4. the master and margarita - this book is probably not at fault, but i read it for a class in college which was taught by a professor who totally creeped us out, especially regarding this book (jokes about the magic lotion - or "goddess cream" - that makes you gorgeous and enables you to fly were REALLY over the top). this is a case of guilt by association.
3. corregidora - the obsession of this book with the ugliness of the protagonists' genealogical heritage - a grandfather (and also great-grandfather - same guy) who was a slave-owning monster is overwhelmingly grotesque. the sexual violence, the serious dysfunction were really disturbing. and there really is no hope, because there is no exit from the cycle of dysfunction.
2. codex - the entire time i was reading this book, i was thinking "this is just completely ridiculous." i kept thinking there had to be more going on - there had to be more going on, but there wasn't. the secret of this codex was in some easter egg in a video game. and the darkness of the narrative form, which is something i generally enjoy, was weird. i actually threw the book when i finished it.
1. lolita - that same class from #4 required this book. 60 pages was enough for me - i begged off on moral reasons (and was told to read this fabulous other book, called we). nabokov is undoubtedly a genius, and lolita is undoubtedly a very important book. but sometimes i think burying your head in the sand is ok, and i for one don't need detailed descriptions of pedophilia floating around in my head.

Top Ten Actresses I Might Watch a Movie For

you know what i mean - there are actresses and actors you like enough to seriously consider seeing anything they're in... not that i don't have my limits (slasher films/horror/tons of skin) - i don't see all their films, but i'm more likely to. here are my top 10 such chicks, living and dead. the reasons differ from woman to woman - sometimes it's more about the performance; other times it's more about what kind of films they choose to do.

10. anne hathaway
9. kate hudson
8. gwyneth paltrow
7. michelle pfieffer
6. cate blanchett
5. angelina jolie
4. reese witherspoon
3. audrey hepburn
2. grace kelly
1. jennifer garner

who are some of yours?

Top Ten Television Shows Currently in Production

i noticed camille paglia has top ten lists (top ten works of art, top ten sculptures, top ten movie lines, etc.), and they are cool, so i thought i would start doing the same on occasion. of course, i'm not nearly as brilliant as camille paglia, but i'm also not as wrong as her on a number of thing that matter (like theology), and that has to count for something.

10. the Office. it takes some getting used to the humor if it isn't quite your style, but it's fun to quote with friends any time.

9. CSI. yay for the forensics! seriously, though, i way prefer the original to either of the spinoffs.

8. Law & Order. i love how relevant a lot of the cases are, and how generally evenhanded they are (maybe excepting religion).

7. Ugly Betty. fashion, humor, awkward romance, ridiculous drama, and some salt-of-the-earth characters. what more could you ask for?

6. Law & Order: SVU. the on-screen chemistry between Detectives Stabler and Benson is fantastic, the cases are raw, and the law is fascinating. i love it.

5. Bones. i watch this gem after the latest season comes out, episode after episode. i can't handle waiting between episodes. the chemistry between Bones and Booth is palpable, and it's physical, emotional, professional, personal - almost every level is electrifying. i love it. and the forensic science is SO interesting. i'm sure a good bit of it is totally unrealistic, but it's fantastic.

4. House, MD. i love house because he says and does things that no one could get away with really. it's like a fairy tale for sarcastic people.

3. How I Met Your Mother. LEGEN-wait for it-DARY. hilarious. not exactly the most moral of these shows, but it probably has the best dialogue-writers of any of them. and the concept is great - a father telling his children in 20+ years how he met their mother - and how he became the man he was when he met her. brilliant. the cast is great, and they are FUNNY.

2. Heroes. everyday superheroes. epic battle between good and evil. surprises at every turn. need i say more?

1. LOST. ok, so i definitely am attached to this show partly because it's a JJ Abrams brainchild, and so was Alias, which is only the best television show in history. the twists, the backstory, the reveals, the drama, the weirdness of it all - i love it.